lorienlai (lorienlai) wrote,

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So when does it stop? It's been ages and still there's no real change in the way I feel. There was the initial adjustment period but meh, not much has changed since then. It's like a cold I just can't shake. It's never enough to make me take time out from it all but it's always there at the back of my head. Fuck. They say that if the absolute value of fallout from doing something outweighs the absolute value of fun had doing it then you should stop doing it. Perhaps I should give up on relationships entirely, become a celibate hermit mystic or something. Anyway, moving on.

I finally got around to actually sarging someone. It wasn't anything particularly special, no fancy openers or DHV routines, but it was uniquely me. I think it'd be pretty hard to imitate my style. That said, it was a crash and burn job. Ah well. You learn more from a failure than you do from a success I think so hey, it was worth it. Plus it was funny as hell and I gained major points with the present Goons.

This leads me onto my next topic: AA v2.0. Approach Apathy. I can't seem to get motivated to go talk to people anymore. It's like subconsciously I recognise the interactions as doomed to either painful, abrupt termination or a downward spiral into boredom. It's irritating. Especially when I get so incredibly uncomfortable sitting still these days. I think I really need to get my head straightened out somehow, to get over this bridge so that I can move on properly. I've moved on, but I'm not over it. Sad isn't it?

So time eh? What's that all about? I'm finding myself less and less tolerant of immaturity. And then I find people writing me off because of my comparative youth without regard for personality. It's poetic justice in action I suppose. Still, it is somewhat irksome to have it thrown at you like that. Especially when they then make a judgement based on criteria you stopped using around sixteen. That's the nature of things I suppose.
Tags: waffle; morbi;
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