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[ website | The darker side of ducks. ]
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For those of you wondering who the hell I am..... [23 May 2009|02:58am]
I r teh tank-elf! By which I mean Arq. I've gone on a LJ-adding spree and decided that this is the easier way to make things clear than individually commenting.
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Attn: whoring. [08 Feb 2009|08:52pm]
Boredom results in image posting for the purposes of attention whoring! clixCollapse )
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I liek dagron, eh can hatches and doesn't afraid of anything. [25 Nov 2008|05:06pm]
Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!
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Noize-making. [30 Sep 2008|01:52pm]
[ mood | Victorious ]

So yeah, got that DJ'ing thing done finally. Playlist was as follows:

23:30 - 00:00
Frank Klepacki - Hell March (C&C Red Alert)
Panzer AG - Bereit
VNV Nation - Weltfunk
Wolfsheim - Approaching Lightspeed
Hellraiser [Psycopath 02] - Suicide Commando

From here on there was some other guest DJ playing, who managed to alienate a good chunk of the audience and threw some apparently impressive tantrums. I was standing outside at the time, so I didn't see them. Anyway....

00:00 - 00:30
Delerio Asesino - Amduscia
Chicks Suck (or Guys Suck) - The Strand
Corpses (A ZOmbie Love Song) - God Module
Pretty When You Cry - VAST
Intruder Alert - COmbichrist
Shut Me Up [VNV Nation 1200 XL Mix] - Mindless Self Indulgence

Lessons learned: check CD's before playing. One of my Combichrist CD's managed to get gak on it before making it into the CD drawer and scratched itself to shit 40 second in. Silence == bad.
Changing stuff on the fly is easier than I expected. The original planned playlist was a smidge different.
Listen to people who have done this more than you. They know their shit.

I had some random guy I've never seen before who's name I have since forgotten ask for my name so he can watch for future sets and the regulars were effusive with their praise.

Shit was fun.

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(Nyah)* [21 Mar 2008|11:35pm]
See above.
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Thursday [18 Dec 2007|09:00pm]
Fibber's. Birthday. Bring dragons.
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Strangeness. [03 Aug 2007|09:21pm]
So I got hit on last night. Not all that unusual in and of itself, just the manner in which that was... interesting. I'm standing at the wall on the dancefloor in Fibber's, like I usually do when some crappy song is playing, when some random girl walks over to me and declares: "You're a pretty boy."
"I know."
"You look lost."
"I've been coming here for five years, I'm hardly lost."
"I've been coming here six."
"Then you know how not lost I am."
"I can't hear you, which is one of the reasons I never score on a dancefloor and, apart from that, I never score in here."

Apparently that was me indicating that she should go for it. Who knew that "no" means "yes" these days? Anyway, her oddly puckered lips are intercepted by a finger which pushes her away and I say "I have a girlfriend." The response was difficult to hear and mildly supprising but the gist of what I got was: "So do I. I mean a boyfriend. I mean, I'm into threesomes and stuff."
"That's nice. Go away now."

And off she flounces, offended that I have turned her down. At this point I start laughing at the sheer absurdity of it. It's not until I go sit down that I start to get offended at the sheer arrogance of it. Why would anyone think it's cool to try kiss someone who has pretty clearly said they don't want it? I hate people.
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Drama [05 Jul 2007|04:16pm]
There was drama. It was fixed. Nothing to see here.
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So....... [27 Jun 2007|10:34pm]
I finally watched Interview With A Vampire recently.

It's amasing how they managed to remove what little interesting philosophy there was

from the film and leave naugh but the crap.

Interview With the Vampire: Composed entirely of Emo, Ghey, Suck and Fail.
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Time to update since people keep asking. [19 Jun 2007|04:50pm]
Welp, (a word I have to stop using, really I do) the whole mess with Julia and Kerstin turns out to have been the brainchild of a particularly bored THIRD (fifth?) German girl named Sandra. Apparently I have been introduced to her, I just didn't care enough to remember her in the slightest. Long story short, it was just her fucking with people's lives for shits and giggles. While I approve of that sort of thing on principle I'm extremely pissed off that she hurt Julia. Doesn't really matter now though, it's all sorted out. Julia has promised Kerstin not to do anything about this but I stressed to her that SHE made the promise and I am hence unbound by it. Sandra, thy name is TARGET_01.

Anyway, all that muck sorted out I went to Germany with Julia. It is simultaneously the most amazing and frustrating country I have yet been to. Everything was soooo much cheaper and/or cooler there. Except anything automatic. Weirdly German robots suck so hard it's just not funny. Irish ATM's ask stupid questions eh? Try buying two train tickets at the same time in Germany.......

Onward, to the future now! This weekend is Q-con. I was looking at just plain being unable to attend due to money issues but John offered me a lift since he's driving up there. Clearly he rocks. Further on I have started to make potential plans for a trip to London for a Druchii.net chat meetup in August. Hopefully it'll have a better turnout this year and yet still manage to cram in the same amount of random fun as last time. And that's it really. Life is boring these days.
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*sigh* It's time to make an E/N thread [13 May 2007|06:35pm]
Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true.

Sure, you never believe it's going to happen but sometimes it does. Like when I wished I had some really petty, stupid, easily avoided drama in my life worthy of an E/N thread of it's very own. To the begining! Because of my absolute disregard for those involved names have been left unchanged to incriminate those guilty.

About seven months ago I found myself going out with a German girl named Kerstin. She was living here in Dublin, Ireland for six months for whatever reason she had. The relationship was essentially a rebound intended to last until she went home in April and could be safely forgotten about. As it progressed it became obvious that she scared the ever-living shit out of me in a deeply protective-of-my-masculine-junk fashion. She had her own E/N thread full of drama to share and would do so at the exact worst moments. Like, say, when she had suddenly decided that she was going to go down on me without warning. Don't get me wrong, I like fellatio as much as any guy but a few seconds warning is nice and as we all know, sudden dramatic movement down there produces cringe reactions. So, as I now fear for the continued existance of my penis, the relationship ends on some flimsy excuse of mine, about four days into January and well before she was to leave. Okay, all done.

So time passes, as it does, and I find myself going out with another, yet completely different, German girl. I have no idea where I keep finding them, I just do. Things are going good, she's pretty normal, fun to be around and I'm generally just enjoying it all. her name is Julia. At some point her friend Finja comes over to visit and we seem to get along pretty well. Finja goes home. No more is thought about her.

This week Finja is over for another visit. She has brought her friend Steffi along with her for some reason. That's cool, she doesn't talk much but hey, even if she did I wouldn't understand since I don't speak any German that WWII didn't teach me. We all go out, fun is had, whatever.

And on to last night! We're out in the pub, normal night, then Julia and Finja want to wander off and talk about something. I'm not bothered by this, Julia almost never gets to see her friends from home, I'm not going to be stupid and paranoid about her spending time with them. Myself and my friend Eric leave the pub at closing to go get some food in Burger King. I'm just finished and I get a text message saying that Julia never wants to see me again.

Come again? She said what now? Over text? I know she's a bit younger than I am but still, three years ain't all that much when you're both over eighteen. At this point I'm just confused with a hint of worried. Two hours of wandering the city streets trying to find or call her later and I'm getting angry. Eventually I get the barest hint of an explaination: Kerstin.

It seems somehow Kerstin knows either Finja or Steffi and has managed to convey to Julia that myself and her did not terminate our relationship in January as reality seems to think. It seems that we stayed together until the very end of her stay. This comes as news to me, and also to Julia who thought, rightly, that we were exclusive. My limited understanding of the fragmented text messages is that Julia now regards me as having cheated on her for the majority of the relationship and has decided to call it quits.

I am left wondering, is there some mis-communication on Kerstin's part or is she just that petty? I have also gotten past the shock of the sudden ending and I'm now just getting angry. Rediculously angry. I'm not even sure who I'm pissed at but I know I am pissed. I have no idea what the hell I should do here, the relationship is good but it's not exactly like I'm going to end something that's been going for years.

Anyway, thanks for listening.
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Bandwagon ho [30 Apr 2007|05:06pm]
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Updating [24 Apr 2007|10:16pm]
So it's been a few months since I E/N'd upon you, o fair internets, and it's high time I recapped. Unto the breach once more, dear fiends.

I went to Dominion. Finally. Met some cool people, found myself starting to like EBM (*shudder*), danced a bit. It's good, less kids than Fibber's and I found someone who's managed to hold my attention for a whole two months. Go her.

It's weird how something can remind you of a person, causing you to spend hours remembering every little thing that annoyed you about them, and then you realise that, yes, you do still miss them.

Seems I'm stuck on my meds until September. Boring. I'm sick of having to remember to take a pill every day. I suppose I'm just lucky not to be on the pill.

Dancing is fun. I may have gone overboard. Ah well.
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Vastrate: Verb [08 Feb 2007|04:00pm]
To hand a person their own lungs after forcible extraction.
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Ramblings [24 Jan 2007|03:20pm]
[ mood | Morbidly introspective ]

So when does it stop? It's been ages and still there's no real change in the way I feel. There was the initial adjustment period but meh, not much has changed since then. It's like a cold I just can't shake. It's never enough to make me take time out from it all but it's always there at the back of my head. Fuck. They say that if the absolute value of fallout from doing something outweighs the absolute value of fun had doing it then you should stop doing it. Perhaps I should give up on relationships entirely, become a celibate hermit mystic or something. Anyway, moving on.

I finally got around to actually sarging someone. It wasn't anything particularly special, no fancy openers or DHV routines, but it was uniquely me. I think it'd be pretty hard to imitate my style. That said, it was a crash and burn job. Ah well. You learn more from a failure than you do from a success I think so hey, it was worth it. Plus it was funny as hell and I gained major points with the present Goons.

This leads me onto my next topic: AA v2.0. Approach Apathy. I can't seem to get motivated to go talk to people anymore. It's like subconsciously I recognise the interactions as doomed to either painful, abrupt termination or a downward spiral into boredom. It's irritating. Especially when I get so incredibly uncomfortable sitting still these days. I think I really need to get my head straightened out somehow, to get over this bridge so that I can move on properly. I've moved on, but I'm not over it. Sad isn't it?

So time eh? What's that all about? I'm finding myself less and less tolerant of immaturity. And then I find people writing me off because of my comparative youth without regard for personality. It's poetic justice in action I suppose. Still, it is somewhat irksome to have it thrown at you like that. Especially when they then make a judgement based on criteria you stopped using around sixteen. That's the nature of things I suppose.

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A Strange Kind of Infinity [07 Jan 2007|05:52pm]
I live in a city of a size, to all intents and purposes, best described as "infinite." The city's streets, such as they are, form around the ever-more complex web of support cables that hold everything together. Buildings form at the junctions and move ever outwards along the struts as needed.
I work in the city. My job is to attend and maintain the power cells which power the lights all along the struts. I know that the power cells are rat-driven, somehow. Today there is a gap in the network of cells. One of them has gone offline. I am sent to fix it. I arrive at the cell. Opening the panel I see not a rat but a woman. She is human in shape, but for her pointed ears and the rat-like tail. All the power in the city comes from these people, for they are powerfully psychic. An infinite number of lights needs an infinite power supply after all, and what else is infinite but the capacity to dream? Suddenly I remember why I am here. I am here to rescue her. Time so long as to render all units meaningless spent amongst the trash of the city's occupants.Why? Because I love her.
I pull her free of the wires connected to her and drag her back to consciousness. On awaking she demands that I help her find her sister as well. She hates her sister but, as with all twins, seperation is difficult for her. I remember who they are now. They are the most puissant of their race found within the multiverse. Prodigies of imagination.
I notice that I am not human. Somehow I believed I was. My skin is purest white, my hands and feet are large in proportion and tipped with black claws. My ears are pointed like hers. My tail is as long again as I am tall and fluked like a dragon's. I have what appears to be hair, also white, atop my head. This, for some reason, is grey. The eyes, my most striking feature, are blank white orbs. Large, as if I come from a world of darkness. I am different though, somehow. I know that I am unique, somehow, in all realities, all dreams.
I come back to here and now. We go to find her sister. I have plenty of time before my failure to complete my assigned task is noticed. An infinite amount if necessary. We search for a comparatively short time and free the sister. She is at first grateful, but then she sees her twin, my Love. Metaphorical sparks fly between them. Reality tears. This universe ends.
We stand now in a great bowl. It is lined all around with seats. There are no aisles. In the centre floats a raised platform. Upon it stand the twins. There is to be an inquest into the destruction of the previous universe. Apparently some important people had a lot staked in it. I understand that my actions, if found to have contributed to this, will result in me being put on trial. I am unconcerned.
I let go of reality, and float free along the seats up to the right. Reaching the second row from the back I walk along until I reach my seat. Behind me, and two seats to my right is a demon prince. The word "Tanar'ri" floats into my mind but I dismiss it. He is tall, at least a third again my height. His body is armoured and red. His arms end in grasping pincers. He has large ears.Wrong part of the multiverse. He speaks to me. He wants my support for the coming events. He believes I will know the part I am to play when it happens. I understand that my support is important to him. Necessary even. I am struck by disbelief at dealing with such a creature as an equal. I sit down.
The inquest takes the form of a game. Each reality is represented by a square, about the width of my hand. Each reality is the square and each square is the reality. Upon this square lies a representation of the universe it contains. It is styalised. Growing universes are lush forests, dying ones barren deserts and so on. Each person moves the pieces they control around the squares. I have only myself to move. Somehow I know that this makes me more important than half those here, and less so than the other half.
I notice there is a corridor over to the right, forming the cross of a "T" from my position. I go over. There are lines of tables here, vendors selling all manner of thing. I pick up a book. It is shrink-wrapped. I open it. Some cards and a pair of boots fall out. There is nothing else. I take the boots, they will be worth something to the right person. I move on. There is a large room at the end of the corridor. I go in to see it full of shelves. I am led to a mace. Twisting it turns it into a sword. I know it is the most powerful, most useful thing in the store. I also know it is useless to me. I discard it and drop the boots where I stand. They're worthless now.
I return to my seat. The board has been cleared, the seats are back. I look down to see the Twins standing, now below the dais. They are angry. They are fighting. My Love lashes out at her sister, just as her sister lashes out at her. I feel the demon prince laughing behind me. Reality tears into a blur of constantly shifting colours. I know my name. I am the Watcher of Shadows, the Finder of Secrets, the Walker on Glass.
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Vindication. [19 Nov 2006|01:46am]
I am win!
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Erm.... yeah [13 Nov 2006|12:43pm]
[ mood | Manic ]

Time has passed, much has happened. PSP seven has been installed and I'm starting on a Baldur's Gate bebo skin, my project specs are all done and ready to go, I'm fencing regularly now and I'm on the comittee for Sillicon again this year. Hurrah for trivial detail. I have also decided to learn how to juggle, do some simple magic tricks and put together a Harlequin troupe to perform, on Grafton street as buskers, such pieces as the seduction of Lady Anne by the Richard the Third and the Duel of Tybalt and Romeo wearing masks in the finest tradition of Helenistic theatre. On come on, it's a kick ass idea and you know it. Friday night I half Sarged, half just talked to a workmate of Erika's (Erika being Konrad's girlfriend) and got a number and a half-promise to come to Fibber's the next evening. She's a German Starbuck (new Starbuck, you pervs) look-alike who's fucking good fun to talk to and only in the county until April. Someone amusing to be around with no chance of permenance? Does that sound like exactly what I'm looking for or what? WIN! Now on to Saturday night:

I finally got around to letting a certain person know that no, I was not interested in continuing the relationship. Months of hinting did nothing so the good old blunt object trauma was called into play. Right. Job's a good 'un, no hard feelings (oddly...) etc.

Then I went to Fibber's that night. That very night a different, yet altogether too similar eighteen year old kid decided to hit on me awkwardly after much prodding from her drunken eastern European friend (who really just wanted to score her sister). Dear god people, take the fucking hint. After over an hour of obvious disinterest in her company which Eric and Peter inadvertantly abandoned me to I decided there was only one thing for it: I was going to have to apply anti-Game. What's anti game I hear you ask? Well, first you need to know what Game is. Google Neil Strauss and his book "the Game" or try http://www.mysterymethod.com for a grittier view of it.

Anyway, point is I took every little trick and tactic I had for the Game and threw it all into reverse. I became a fast-talking, jittery, sudden movement packed AFC with a severe case of One-itis for his ex girlfriend combined with as many neurotic tendancies as I could think of, a larcenous streak and severe depression. Not all *that* far from the truth I admitt but still, that's what Game is all about really. If nothing else I think I owe someone a debt of some form for giving me a good story of woe to chuck around and look pathetic during.

And after nearly THREE DAMN HOURS (total) of this she finally had to go home. I arrived at nine, she started work at about half past and finally left at about ten to one. Thank fuck for that but WHY couldn't it have been earlier? And as soon as she left I started having a good night.

Then one of the oddest things in my entire life happened.

I'm in the chipper at three AM, standing quietly in line as you do, when suddenly two rather large mutton-dressed-as-wrinkley-gold-plated-lamb skanger women burst in and start hurling abuse and demanding instant service. Every single person in the room is targeted, no borders of race or tact are sacred and no-one dares move lest they get a drunken ham-fist to the face. And strangely, amongst all the Chinese barmen trying to get some food after a hard night's work and drunken assorted Irish there is one veritable Island of immunity to this assault.


The goth guy. The skinny goth guy in a bad part of town at three AM wearing make-up and psuedo-bondage gear. What the fuck?

And then I find myself standing beside one who I shall refer to as "Viv" for an obscure reason. So Viv rounds on me, and demands my age. I reply honestly, starting to rise onto my toes in case a speedy escape is needed, remembering dodgy experiences with inebrieated older women in the past. She looks dissapointed and then tells me about her "angel." Apparently he's thirteen, and driving her mad. She worries he'll be out drinking and doing whatever the fuck else soon. I wonder how many car's he's stolen and burnt out already but hold my tongue. I'm still on my toes and my knees are dancing backwards and forwards in what I like to call my "I'm going to shit myself I'm so nervous" dance. Eventually, as she nears tears I have to say *something* just to try to distract her.

And so, in what must be absolutely hillarious for all those watching who are now, coincidentally, being spared her wrath, I begin to offer parenting advice.

Yep, you heard me.

I HATE children. Skanger children doubly so. Personally I'd like to torch the little fucker and roast marshmellows on his burning corpse while singing cheery songs about world domination and hell and suchlike but what's coming out of my mouth actaully seems to be sensible.

Eventually my food comes and I beat a hasty retreat. As I turn from the counter she tells me to enjoy the rest of my night. I reply in kind. As I walk back from the chipper with Brian and Eric, both of whom are utterly shocked and sputtering hows and whys, I announce loudly to the world in general "And *that* is what I mean when I say I'm a social chameleon....."

And no, Starbuck never showed or even had the decency to reply in the negative. Bitch. Ah well. Another week has started! another Thursday in Fibber's waits! For the Emperor! No prisoners! CHARGE!

Life is, if not good, at least fucking funny to watch.

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Been a while, time to update. [28 Sep 2006|07:05pm]
First, psychiatrist has been seen. I was put on pills. Cipramil for those of you who are interested. After five days of nauseating agony and not eating playing merry hell with my immune system I just quit them. Gave the doctor a call, he's going to put me on something different. Hurrah. To be perfectly honest, they were literally killing me. I couldn't eat for almost four days and puking up my stomach lining was very much the last straw. So I called it.

I'm empty. Completely empty. I now understand what vampire meant when it stated that "you have no emotions, only the memory of how they feel." Sad huh? Yeah. I've got nothing left to give. Whatever it is that allows people to pick themselves up after a knock and start over I lack. I must have slept in that day. Like almost every day really. Ah well.

It's funny though, thinking about it. I'm yet another step closer to being Arquinsiel. Not necessarily a good thing. It is still kind of funny. I've got that detached, almost emotional, violent frame of mind now. All I need, really, are the skills to pull his acts off and the courage to not care for consequences. Maybe not courage, maybe I just need to care less. We'll see. I realised last night that my emotional shields are back up. That's a good thing. Hopefully this time I'll manage to avoid letting someone horribly destructive inside them. Weirdly, I've found my confusion and self-doubt about the whole thing crystalising into a small ball of utter hatred for someone. Seems like I was lied to. Shocking eh? Who would have seen that coming? Ah well. Yeah, it so wasn't worth it when examined objectively. Sure there were a few good things but the majority of the relationship was so incredibly one sided that I'm justified in wondering if it was her that sucked everything right out of me, leaving me this emotionless shell that I am now.

On a similar note, time to publicly apologise for being shitty to someone. Not that she'll read this. Even so, someone probably will, and it'll get back there. You know who I'm talking about. Yeah.

Played the first game of Warhammer Fantasy I've played since I quit working in GW. My Druchii MSU against Johnjo's Asur mess. Utterly slaughtered him. Black horror cast with Irresistable Force twice in one game makes High Elves cry (or it would, were their eyes not ripped out of their heads by a shrieking could of daemons which tore them to pieces).

It's odd, I can tell you exactly what I am, in great detail. Sometimes even with diagrams. Yet I'm still no closer to knowing who I am. Fucking w00t eh? Overall, this could have been far more coherent and far less ranty than it finally ended up being. Ah well.
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Oh Wow..... this is just..... [05 Sep 2006|09:59am]
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